wat bout pragnant strippers??
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
