if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
