If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
