I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
