i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
