I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
