you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
