Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
