ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
