omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
