his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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