You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
