Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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