its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
