we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come on in and take your pants off
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