I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I touched a dick in church today
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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