the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
