OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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