The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
