i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
