There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
