Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
