He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
