I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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