Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
