we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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