WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I want to be your penis for a week.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
