Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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