butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
