Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
