Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
