Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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