I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
