i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I am naked and annoyed.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
