also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
