if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After tacos, we're chasing women.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
