Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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