you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
this is an emotional support booty call
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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