i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
