And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
