Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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