Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize