we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
