he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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