I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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