Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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