i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
