While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
