I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
