rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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