Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
