so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
