This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
