just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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