I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
