Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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