Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
