Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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