Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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