we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
