Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
