you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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