oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
