he was CRYING into my vagina
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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