She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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