Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
