True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
