ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize