Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
