do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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