Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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