Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
