i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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