I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize