im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
