Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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