lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize